“Live, learn, leave a beautiful mark.” LM Fields
Four months ago today, that’s how long it’s been since my last seizure. I’m still counting the days with great enthusiasm, but what happens when you dream you are having multiple, short-lived seizures, over and over again? First off I’d call it a nightmare, but we can learn even from our scariest moments.
If you hadn’t guessed by now, this is what happened to me in last night’s dream. Every time I’d come out of a seizure, I could barely talk to tell my husband what was going on. I wanted him to know I was about to have another one, I needed help, but you see, not all seizures can be seen and in this particular dream, I was having many unseen, seizures that were capturing my mind and in a multitude of minutes that made me a prisoner in my body. I was living in a bubble I couldn’t pop.
This dream reminded me of a time in my life when my seizure control meds made me feel like exactly this way; living in a bubble every second I was awake. The only way I could communicate was with a few tears rolling down my cheeks, but not even that worked. How could it? I couldn’t talk and the words that came out were jumbled and didn’t make sense. I’d lay down anywhere, everywhere; on top of picnic tables, in the middle of the road, in people’s yards. The meds turned me into a zombie and the bubble didn’t disappear until I was taken off the pills. That was a horrible time in my life but last night, for some reason, a portion of it returned in this dream I had.
I believe in the power of dreams, waking or asleep, they are meant to help us learn and remind us of what life could be like. So in honor of that dream, I’m communicating, tear free, how happy I am that I haven’t had a seizure in four months, and I’m looking forward to many more seizure free days. Who knows, maybe someday this will be permanent? Now, that’s a dream I’d love to experience.
I dedicate this to all people, especially children, who suffer from the effects of seizures. Sometimes I’m not sure what is worse, the seizure or the side-effects from the medicines. For those of you lucky enough to have a normal life, I am so happy for you! For those still struggling, never give up hope. To everyone, never forget, Epileptics are very special people. Scientists know it and if they could learn even 1/4 of what was going on in our brains they might be one step closer to solving what’s really happening inside of us. So never lose hope and most of all, whoever you are, remember there is something so very magical about you… hang in there and fight so you can see all your dreams realized. God blessed you for a reason.
In memory of my father, Ralph H. G. Short, he was an Epileptic with an aptitude for mathematical engineering. His passion for thought went beyond the stars. I walk in his footsteps, forever hoping I can leave a beautiful mark before I am done.