Written by LM Fields 

I felt good. I healed a lifetime of abuse that lingered inside. I was ready to face a new and improved me. It was time to transform this outer shell of a woman I had become, but when I began to lose a substantial amount of weight, something triggered the memories and nightmares to return; I was falling back down the rabbit hole I had worked so hard to climb out of.

I loved how I looked. I had the body I was proud of, but it felt as though my soul was sacrificed in return and over time, I was scared of my reflection. I cowered little by little into the recesses of my mind where my sense of self and independence stayed as it was told to do when I was a child. The programming was set in place, but I thought it had been erased. I was wrong.

I remembered being told fat girls were ugly and worthless, but toned, slender girls were like beautiful, fragile dolls that must be locked up and protected, owned and operated by the handler, taken out to be played with whenever, for whatever purpose, no questions asked. You have no voice. You have no thoughts. Beautiful toys never think for themselves.

It would seem it wouldn’t matter after all this time, after finding the keys to my past and unlocking the doors to the truth locked within my mind, I should finally be free, but this programmed hell created for me was history repeating itself. Would I ever be able to break the glass and fly away?


Author: LM Fields

Live, Learn, Leave a Beautiful Mark

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s